God's surprises

It was a tiring, disheartening, and frustrating week for me and my friends. It was a bad week where all negative vibes and intentions from negative people around were mixed in a bowl, rolled and shaped into a meatball then thrown right at your clueless face when you were at your most defenseless and unprepared self. What makes it more depressing is the sight of your good friend crying in front of people who were just as clueless as she is and was placed in a middle of a well orchestrated public humiliation seasoned with a twist of betrayal. I salute my dear friend for her courage and I despise myself for not having that same courage to speak up and defend my name and my friends' or just say my piece.

I really wanted to blog all my hate, my frustrations, my irritations, the hurt inside and how I loathe these people last Thursday night right after that horrible scene at the meeting. But I decided to sleep it off and postpone the i-hate-these-people blogging. It was indeed God's grace. Saturday morning, I woke up at 4am and felt the urge to release that excruciating pain in me and that flood of hate surging in my blood. I went out of my house and headed to People's Park. Clad in my white Nike rubber shoes, I started walking around the park with the early morning joggers. The place was full of people from all walks of life...but they all turned invisible to me as I was making a few rounds of brisk walking.

Thoughts of the past days and the emotions which enveloped me were coming again. As I gradually increased my speed, I was like moved into a trance as I was putting all my energy in my legs and feeling the prickly heat inside my body. Unmindful of the people in the park, I kept on walking and walking with my mind and heart racing, fighting off the negativity lurking in me. It was just like being the only person in a deserted place. The walk was healing me. As my body paced and my heart was beating so fast, I was slowly dusting off the cobwebs of hate and wiping out the frustrations that are clouding me. I stopped after an hour of seemingly endless rounds of walking ...feeling light, relieved and a little free of hostility and hate. Amazingly, my newly pampered and manicured feet wrapped in rubber shoes never got tired after that walk and even my legs were without cramps the whole day. It was a surprise.

God indeed has so much surprises in store for all of us. Another came today as I tuned in to my favorite Sunday show. With my blogging plans still on hold, God surprised me with an unexpected message through the story of Jonah. This week was a Jonah experience. I ran away from God and like Jonah who was asked by God to change the people in Nineveh, I judged quickly and label others as bad. I refused to see these people around me the way God sees them because what overpowered me was hate. I was blinded by my emotions.

The walk in the park and the message by Bo Sanchez were God's little surprises to me. This beautiful weekend thought me to just accept the people who are difficult to accept and their weaknesses because I myself has my own sets of limitations and limps-- limps which can also make me unacceptable for others. I am broken, weak and hurt and so they are. God is telling me to be more accepting and forgiving of others...to be more understanding and to try to be like Jesus even if it is hard to do. The reason why we cannot accept other people and their weaknesses is because we do not accept our own weaknesses.

Today, as I prepare myself for another week, I will try to be more accepting and forgiving. God will never fail me and He will put his arms around me despite my brokenness and handicap and knowing this, the more I should be understanding of people and their limitations. Right at this moment as I end this blog entry, I am slowly draining away the poisons of rage and bitterness. I will try to release the anger and irritation even if I know that it is difficult because I don't want to give my life and my future to these people and to live forever in hate.

God's surprises come in different forms and from different people. Not all surprises come from nicely wrapped gift boxes. We just have to listen more and see beyond the external.

Happy Sunday!